


The one that got away... and then got back again

by benkouji



Category: Horrible Histories
Genre: AU, Fluff, M/M, Modern Setting, Turpin and Charles are besties, a different spin on “the Postie ratted Turpin out”, and no one can say no to Charles, as they should be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:33:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27592103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benkouji/pseuds/benkouji
Summary: Charles wanted to have double dates and do couples-thingy with his bestie Dick. The unfortunate thing was, Dick didn’t have a boyfriend to meet the required number count of a “couple”. So Sotherby, as Charles’ loving and supportive boyfriend that he was, helped to set up a blind date for Dick....and it did not go well.
Relationships: Charles II of England/Sotherby, James Smith/Dick Turpin
Kudos: 9





	The one that got away... and then got back again

“So”, Charles began.

“Let me stop you right there”. Dick cut him off, quickly and efficiently. “No good thing has ever come out of that sentence.”

“What sentence?” bewildered, Charles clutched his chest, like the drama queen that he was, “I just said ‘so’”.

“And NOTHING good has come out of it”. Dick repeated, finally sat up from his starfish-like sprawling position on his giant bed. Sometimes Charles wondered how a skinny person like him can take up so much space, and still managed to be pretty and elegant, even when he was just getting up, hair a mess, wearing a pink onesie. He yawned, didn’t bother covering his mouth, but even that was an adorable look on him. “Last time you said that to me, we ended up in jail. I’m not hearing it.”

“How was that my fault?” Charles couldn’t believe him. “All I did was suggesting we play truth or dare, it was you who came up with the idea of stealing the DEAN’s pet rooster!”

“But it did begin with your ‘so, wanna party a bit?’, did it not?”

“Yes, but...”

“What Charles was trying to say”, Sotherby cut in, headache already starting to bloom behind his eyes. It took a saint to date Charles, and when he was with Dick, his impossible, slutty and infuriating bestie slash roommate, even the saint could only hold so much in. “was that if you’re free tonight, we’d like to invite you to a double date with us.”

Dick narrowed his eyes. “If I recall correctly, double date requires two couples, and last time I checked, I do not have a boyfriend”. He held up a finger to silence Charles on further comment, “Nor do I want one.” 

Charles pouted. “But I wanna do couples thingy with you! You never wanted to go out with me and Sotherby, because you didn’t want to be ‘the third wheel’”, he air-quoted, dramatically, “and with him being so clingy, we hardly had any time to spend together!” 

“Hey!” Sotherby protested, and was naturally ignored.

“So your solution is to get me a boyfriend too?” Dick rolled his eyes. Charles did have the tendency to simplify things. “What if I got this boyfriend and decided I’d rather spend time with him alone?”

“Oh you silly bean”, Charles smiled, all innocent and cute, without a care in the world, “who wouldn’t want to party with me, if they could?”

If there was anybody who could say no to Charles when he was being this sunshiny and sweet, well, it sure wouldn’t be Dick.

———————————

His date was late. For twenty minutes now.

Charles was sending him apologizing puppy eyes for the last quarter or so, Sotherby was getting anxious because his darling Charlie was upset and he was the one setting up this date and selecting the allegedly “handsome, funny and hot guy” for Dick. And Dick was beginning to consider all the non-traceable ways to murder someone and dispose said someone’s body.

Because. You know. NO ONE HAD EVER MADE DICK TURPIN WAIT.

“Would you stop your creepy smiling already?” Charles begged. “You’re actually scaring me a little bit by now.”

“Well”, Dick smiled even bigger, showing some teeth, “I’m just very happy that my first blind date turned out to be SO. PERFECT.”

“I don’t know”, a dry voice cut in, “I bet if you knew your blind date was me, you’d be way less happy about it.”

Dick froze, uncharacteristically. He’d recognize that voice anywhere, and he did NOT expect to hear it at that moment, in that place.

He didn’t turn around to face his apparent date, and looked deadly into Sotherby’s eyes. “Please. Tell me he just happens to be in this pub, not because he’s the one you set me up with.” 

Sotherby didn’t get to answer that, because Charles chose that moment to have his belated epiphany. “Oh my God. He is THE James? Your James? The Postie James?”

“He is not my James!” / “You still go around telling people I’m the Postie James?”

They both yelled and then both stopped, realizing they were raising attention. Taking a deep breath, Dick braced with himself and finally whirled around, and sure enough, James was there, infuriatingly handsome, face a bit red, eyes angry.

“What, you WERE a Postie, weren’t you?” Best to keep Charlie’s “your James” comment out of everyone’s attention radius. 

James sighed, exasperated. “That was what, five years ago? I was just a teenager, and I did that job for only like, a month during the summer vacation!”

“During which you reported me and got me grounded for a week! I lost my chance to go to the lake house with my folks, it was all your fault!”

“Oh dear God, are we still on that?” James was incredulous. “One, you were stealing your neighbor’s mail and it was my duty to report you. And two, you went to the lake house the VERY next week!”

“That’s not the point! And you knew perfectly well why I stole those letters!”

“How is that not the poi... wait, why did you say I knew? I had absolutely no idea why you did it!”

All silence fell. For once in his life, Dick lost his ability to talk. He opened his mouth, closed it. He couldn’t wrap his head around what was happening.

“But how could you not know? I thought he did it for you?” Trust Charles to drop a bomb at any crucial moment, looking like he didn’t have a clue what he just did.

James looked he did not have any clue either, damn him.

“What do you mean he did it for me? His neighbor was a little old lady, as I recall. She even gave me tips every time I delivered the mail to her.”

“And called you stupid the moment you waved your goodbye.” Dick couldn’t help himself but to sound bitter and offended. After all these years, he still felt angry on James’ behalf. What was wrong with him?

James appeared to be dumbstruck. “That was why you stole her mail? I thought it was because you were annoyed by her loud voice, you always complained about that when you were tutoring me.”

“I was afraid you could hear her say that, weren’t I.” Dick murmured, suddenly feeling conscious. He never told anybody about this other than Charles, and he always assumed James had known, he just didn’t care. He did not see this coming, like at all.

“She was not wrong though”, James stepped forward, so he could be quieter and still be heard. “I was a little slow back then. You had to tutor me all the time.”

“You were dyslexic, not slow, and definitely not stupid. She was a bigot who laughed at a kid behind his back. She WAS wrong.” 

James looked like he wanted to smile, while simultaneously to cry. “I can’t believe this.” He choked a little bit, eyes suspiciously shining. “All these years, I thought you gave me the cold should because you hated me. And I didn’t understand why. Sure, I reported you, but I knew you’d only get some light disciplinary because you were a minor, and as a matter of fact, you did just get a week of grounding. But then you didn’t want to have anything to do with me, and you started calling me ‘Postie’ instead of my name. I was devastated. You were my best friend, and a part of me used to think we’d end up together, like some romcom, you know, where two best friends suddenly find out the right one has been right in front of them, and they live happily ever after. I couldn’t believe I lost you over some silly report.”

“Well, from my stand point of view, I thought you knew I was doing it for you and you went and betrayed me.” And that hurt like a mother fucker, Dick didn’t say. “I felt rejected and humiliated, so I told myself that I hated you and wanted to get revenge. Then I started calling you names and ignoring you. By the time I wanted to forgive you, I already forgot how to get back to the way we used to be.”

They stared at each other then, both lost words to say, both not wanting to end the conversation either.

“So”, Charles began, and Dick didn’t have the energy to stop him this time. “I couldn’t help but notice that you didn’t say anything to contradict his romcom scenario?”

God, sometimes he really hated Charles for being so dense yet so insightful. He REALLY did not want to get into this right now.

And then Sotherby proved himself to be the perfect boyfriend for Charles by helpfully adding, “does that mean you had thought the same thing too?”

He was going to strangle them both once he had the chance. But first, he got some heavy denial to do.

He opened his mouth, just about to say “never”, but then he made the mistake of making eye contact with James, who had the most beautiful and pure blue eyes in Dick’s opinion, and to make things even worse, they were filled with hope, fear, wistfulness and so, so much adoration and tenderness, which brought him right back to those afternoons, when they were young and happy and totally smitten with each other, and all those sleepless nights, when he was thinking of those eyes and telling himself that he would quit being so petty and make up with James but always chickened out at the last minute, and next thing he knew, he was already saying “yes”.

He didn’t have time to regret it because he was busy being enthusiastically and throughly kissed. After all, they had a long time to make up for.

**Author's Note:**

> This idea was based on a little discussion with a friend of mine. She wrote a cute little story about Charles and Sotherby getting engaged, and we talked about how fun it would be if Turpin was also in that universe and be Charles’ bestie and they got to do all the silly things. Alas, this happened!


End file.
